Brooks Drayne, Owner, Founder, Lord and Master of the Trenches
This first act is about a blogger, Strandedhan, and his integrity, with a small appearance by his sidekick, Barby. As with any job, journalists have a code of ethics and contractual agreements. That code of ethics includes adhering to a rigorous loyalty to requirement to me, Brooks Drayne, Lord of the Flies and Emperor of Online Journalists. This means that when I tell you not to talk to my contact, you will obey me because my contact is my contact alone. All your sources is mine. All my sources is mine. Do as I says. Your name is Toby. No matter what I do, and no matter how offensive my online conduct becomes, you may never question me or associate with the people I target. If you do, you are a leftist and you must be destroyed. If they tweet you, it is your fault. You enticed them with your super mind powers and telepathically solicited them to tweet you because you are a left wing operator.
However, Strandedhan thinks that rules don’t apply to him, because he is an artiste! It’s this attitude that gets our comic in this series into trouble. I will now insinuate that he has no teeth because of an incident with prostitute because Lee used to be an erotic photographer. I will hope that no one knows that I used to be a deadbeat who didn’t meet his financial obligations and wound up evicted as a result. Twice.
Lee used to be in the employ of Andrew Breitbart, a saint of our movement who know one should ever dare to speak evil of because he is a saint who is dead. However, Andrew’s sainthood does not immunize the infiltrators within our midst like Strandedhan and Mandy Nagy, whose hacked emails the Benches have in our possession. They show Mandy Nagy colluding with the leftist Neal Rauhauser, but we can’t publish these emails because our timeline would be disrupted. However, we will continually allude to the emails we aren’t showing anyone that we say show Mandy Nagy colluding with Neal Rauhauser.
If you question us on this, we will say things like “It will all make sense once you see why we are being attacked for” to excuse away our failure to present proof of the insinuations and smears we’ve been making towards Mandy Nagy for weeks. Our writers will believe that this suffices as an explanation for our failure to present the emails we say that we have, because we select only the finest in mentally defectives to write for us so we won’t have to deal with our employees questioning the obviously idiotic logic we use to explain what we’re doing and what we’re not doing.
There are things we know, and things we don’t know, and there are things we know we don’t know and thing we don’t know that we don’t know, the known unknowns and the unknown unknowns. Conversely, there are the things we know we know and thing we don’t know that we do known, the known knowns and the unknown knowns. George Soros is responsible for everything on the left because he funds it, and Van Jones is a neo-Marxist.
However, some of our employees are starting to realize that our logic and practices aren’t okay and don’t make sense, so we will have to purge our ranks to ensure that purity is restored. Matt Hogan, you know what happened to Leon Trotsky, don’t you? Stevie, you can be the Bhutto of our caliphate.
Enter Brutus, the Boor, or me or the super secret shadowy benefactors who fund me. I offered Strandedhan gainful employment, and he gleefully accepted because he was tired of his new bosses after Andrew Breitbart’s death. I present no evidence to substantiate any of this in the form of screenshots, documents, emails, etceteras. This is odd, because I have been known to do so in the past. I will simply make the accusation that Strandedhan was double-dipping at the Benches without a shred of documentary evidence to substantiate my insinuations. This is consistent with my past practices.
I have the proof. I swear. But my timeline prevents me from putting the proof up for everyone to see.
Strandedhan worked for six days, but he quit after I ordered him to dig a trench to protect clients Mike Stack, Greg W. Howard, and Michelle ZAPEM. It is odd that a site covering news would refer to three people at the core of the stories as clients rather than subjects. It implies that my interest is not objective, or impartial. It implies a relationship between this site and the three aforementioned people that is centered on something other than documenting and writing about the Left’s attacks on them.
And what do I mean by digging a trench? I have previously alluded to my affiliation with hackers and other individuals who can and will access computers illegally, and my possession of hacked emails. Is this what I meant? I like to be cute with my choice of words and speak in code, but we all know what I mean and who I am. Even if I never follow through on any of the insinuations or allusions to my super duper cyberwar capabilities, I get to puff up and look bigger than I really am.
And on the sixth day, Strandedhan, like God, quit. On the seventh day he rested from his six days of absorbing my narcissistic abuse as his overlord and employer. And then he showed the temerity to disagree with me, with my methods, and with the direction of my site. He even contacted a source that I told him not to contact, which is an indicator of his independent mind and stubborn refusal to respect my Author-uh-tah.
His friend thought he was “stupid as fuck” for quitting. Again, I do not present any documentary proof to substantiate this allegation. My timeline prevents me from doing so. It will all make sense when you see why they are attacking us for. Strandedhan was instructed to stand down with any sources or material acquired while in my employ, but he refused to do so. He had contractual obligations to do so. Again, I present no documentation to substantiate my statements. My timeline prevents me from doing so. It will all make sense when you why they are attacking us for.
There were fifty dollar dinners in Vegas and park benches in Strandedhan’s future, but we’ll get to that in later acts because this series is more important than reporting emails proving collusion between Mandy Nagy and Neal Rauhauser. These sorts of inside joke posts are more relevant than chasing down Neal Rauhauser’s possible involvement with SWATting, because I have a pathological need to pick fights and stir drama up as part of my commitment to journalistic ethics and integrity.
All you cocksuckers should just bow down to my authority and accept my rightful position as the head of the movement to bust the SWATter. If you do not, you are inviting the wrath of my considerable legion of hackers and writers and online associates to fall about your head, neck, and shoulders. I assure you, my delusions of grandeur are real.
The below images show that Strandedhan contacted Randy behind my back. This proves that he is in violation of our contract which I am not showing you because of my timeline even though I swear it exists and is real and stuff. Strandedhan is a leftist because leftists break their contracts and he broke his contract so that makes him a leftist. My circular reasoning is my strength, and renders me a tall and immovable pillar among men.
———- Forwarded message ———-
From: Lee Stranahan <>
Date: Wed, Jun 6, 2012 at 6:47 PM
Subject: Re: Source and data
To: Brooks Bayne <>
Cc: Brandon Darby <>
Of course – your story. Let me know if you need anything.
Sent from my iPhone
> We’ll be handling the story with regard to Randy Hahn et al. Stand down with the recorded phone call and the other information I forwarded to you. I’ll be taking the lead with my sources moving forward as well.
> Good luck!
Hully Gee, Strandedhan!
Come back soon for the next act in “The Chronicles of Strandedhan”!
(A Brutus Production 2012)