Oh. my. God.

For my definitive response to Jay Batman’s criticism of my crackerjack reporting, I will now present edited Direct Messages where Jay criticizes Breitbart and crew.  I will omit the part where I tell him that I have hacked emails showing collusion between Mandy Nagy and Neal Rauhauser, which is what led him to say “[t]hat entire [Breitbart] crew is going to get raked over the coals,” because that wouldn’t tie into my narrative of Jay assailing the good name of the recently deceased St. Andrew.

I won’t mention that one of my own writers recounted to Jay a story about meeting Andrew and seeing him high on drugs later on at a confab.  No, that won’t fit my narrative. Jay is a terrible person because he criticizes St. Andrew, and everyone knows you don’t speak ill of the dead, especially when the dead are saints like Andrew.

Never you mind that Jay criticized Andrew just after he died in an article he wrote, and he outlined the reasons why, including one encounter with Andrew on Twitter while Andrew was alive. I want this to seem like it just came out of the clear blue, because I want to engage in libelous writing so as to negate my own allegations that member of Breitbart’s team of reporters and bloggers were in cahoots with Neal Rauhauser.  I won’t mention that at least one of my other writers has made the same allegation outright in multiple conversations with multiple people, or that one of The Trenches “clients” that I ordered Lee Stranahan to dig a trench for has done the same thing.

No, I’ll leave that out.  Right now, the important thing is to lie, and lie big.  Maybe if I get people outraged about Jay’s criticism of Breitbart’s crew in Direct Messages where he really never once references St. Andy, it’ll outrage people and turn them against Jay. Maybe they’ll believe me when I say they were seeing things when they saw all those tweets I posted about hacked emails showing Mandy Nagy colluding with Neal Rauhauser.  I love St. Andrew too much to ever tweet something like that, because St. Andrew gives me absolution if I crassly exploit his memory and the goodwill it engenders to defame my enemies.

Why do I want to do this? Because my reputation is in tatters. I spent two weeks calling people names like cocksucker, and I can’t for the life of me figure out why anyone would have a problem with that.  I also revealed what a fake person I was when I took vicarious umbrage over the leftists referring to Ali as a faggot, even though I am clearly uncomfortable with the notion that gays have rights as gays to be gay or to get married.   I said so to Jay over the phone in our first conversation, and noted that we would have to agree to disagree because Jay stands for things like equality before the law for every U.S. citizen, even the gay ones.

I’m a disingenuous person.  I’ve been evicted twice, I may even have some arrests and convictions in my past, and I’m now reborn as a right wing warrior for federalism. You know why? Because there’s an audience I can pander to in order to make a name for myself.  I never really articulate anything to do with federalism in my writing, I just claim it because it flows really good with fist: federalist fist.

Jay had the nerve to criticize my post title for asserting that Neal Rauhauser claimed to have access to national security secrets when the body of that post presented no proof that Neal claimed any such thing.  In fact, my post presented a theory about Neal’s work with 700+ congressional aides that was patently false, one that I could have corrected had I merely bothered to google Neal’s name and look into his work with Progressive Congress News, where he says he’s creating software to aggregate news for progressives and blast that news out over Twitter and via Salsa.

Why did I not perform the due diligence to avoid such an embarrassment?  Because I think my readers are stupid, and willing to believe whatever I write about the left.  They don’t care about things like honesty, integrity, and fairness in my reporting.  They just want to see Neal get slammed, even if I have lie about him to do it.

I’m a fraud, which is what I accused Lee Stranahan of being when I maligned him for resigning the Trenches over my reckless tweet saying I supported violence and owned a weapon to a known Rauhauser sock account. That was stupid of me, but so much is. I’m fetal alcohol syndrome all grown up, and the results aren’t pretty.

I will now realize that this post will get exactly one comment from a convicted drunk driver and porn site moderator who has been accused of harassing women online.  No one will really tweet it or disseminate it on my behalf because my reputation is so bad and no one really believes that I’m presenting the entirety of those DMs.  I have no credibility left with anyone besides a loyal drunk driver and porn site moderator. My life is sad.

Maybe ZAPEM will help me do some of her super duper research on Jay where she takes screenshots of things he’s written and presents it as “original research.”  It will be cutting edge, and really help to discredit Jay.  My drunk driver porn site moderator will comment and go “derp,” which is exactly what most people said when they heard his explanation for how he came into advance knowledge of Weiner’s sex scandal three weeks before it happened via an anonymous guy named Wolfe.

I will feel vindicated by the one comment he leaves. I will delete any comment left by Jay Batman, because I don’t want to be called out on my own site and I’m not enough of a man to respond back to him.  I don’t know how to deal with Jay. He isn’t deterred by my name-calling.  He doesn’t back down when I defame him as a plagiarist. And when I insinuate things, he doesn’t get all upset and spew about it, he just tells me to present the proof for what I am saying.

I can’t because all I’m doing is crying wolfe.  That’s all I do, all the time. The Benches will continue to be the site that reports the news that isn’t the news better than anyone else, and I will cry wolfe about Neal Rauhauser having access to national security information by misrepresenting things in my reporting.  This will incite fear and drive traffic to my site.  Maybe I can overcome the damage done by Jay Batman’s parody site by manufacturing fear like the left always does!